Having It All

Lots of people say that they want to "have it all". I'm realizing more and more that everyone's idea of what that phrase means differs from person to person.

So what does having it all look like to me?

I want to be able to make enough money to fully support myself, without help from friends or family. I want to enjoy a lifestyle that includes being able to both buy new clothes and wear them to brunch with my friends. I want to be able to enjoy wine night without having to get to bed by 8 pm in order to open the cafe the next morning at 4:30 am. I want an office job, where I feel productive and organized, and nobody is breathing down my neck constantly about television sales. I want to be able to stop at Starbucks in the morning without putting on a green apron. I want to be able to do all of this and continue (and finish!) my final year of college.

It's kind of a tall order, and finding the time to make it happen is challenging. Right now, I have two jobs, so my work week is a little bit insane these days. 

My biggest endeavor is going to be the art of time management. I need to find time to search for and land an office job that both pays well enough to support me and is flexible enough to allow me to finish school. 

Wish me luck.

~Megan

Storms

The forecast for today includes heavy rain and severe thunderstorms for most of the day.

Thankfully, this is my first day off in a couple of long, hard weeks. Sure, I'd probably rather my day off to be a gorgeous summer day so that I can go to the zoo with my boyfriend, but I'll take stormy weather as a close second.

I love thunderstorms. The heavier and scarier the better. I love when they happen late at night and everyone wakes up and watches the sky flash.

I really should be spending the day catching up on housework, hanging some pictures, and organizing my wardrobe but this weather is just too perfect for more quiet activities.

For instance, I'm listening to jazz (thanks to Songza), cuddling Moon, updating my blog (obviously) and getting ready to settle in with one of the many books waiting to be read on my windowsill.

How do you like to spend a rainy afternoon?

~Megan

Finding A Voice

I've been struggling with this basically since the beginning of this blog. I have a hard time finding the balance between saying too much and too little.

It's hard for me to determine sometimes how much is too much. But then I end up not posting anything, or when I do it winds up being something generic. I've struggled with this a lot on past blogs, sometimes posting WAY too much (some things just don't belong on the internet) and sometimes abandoning blogs altogether because it feels artificial. 

Bear with me, because I'm still finding my footing in the blog world, and I'm still unsure of how "real" I can get before it's all overshare.

But the reality is that life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, and if my blog were nothing but all the great things going on in my life, that would make for some pretty boring reading. Not to mention, inaccurate documentation of my life.

~Megan

Green With...Motivation?

I posted on Facebook a few days ago that I have a problem with "yardsticking".

(Yardsticking: comparing yourself to your friends/acquaintances, especially based on posts to social media)

One of my best friends has a cool new office job.

All of my (female) coworkers at one of my jobs are impossibly thin (and one is a model!). 

Another of my best friends just got a new Prius. 

Former coworkers of mine are traveling, buying cute clothes, etc. 

Some of my sorority sisters get way better grades/internships/jobs than I do.

...And I'm completely jealous. I mean absolutely green with envy. I look at my own life in comparison and I feel physically sick. 

Why don't I have a job that I really love? Why can't I buy a new car? Why am I still overweight and unhappy about it? I wish I could afford to buy new clothes and go on trips! My GPA has slipped an entire point, what's wrong with me? I'm never going to get a better job/internship/scholarship...

You get the idea.

But then one late night (because that's always the time I have really introspective thoughts) I realized that I don't have any of those things because of one person:

Myself.

I don't have a job I love because I'm afraid to do what I need to do to really put myself out there. 

I don't have the body I want because I don't eat a healthy diet and I don't exercise.

I don't have a Prius because I'm still paying off my Hyundai.

I haven't traveled or bought clothes because I don't budget my money wisely (or make enough, but that's a different post...and related to my first point).

My GPA slipped so far because I didn't have or do what was necessary to get good grades (it's hard to study when you legitimately can't afford textbooks...the beginning of the year was rough). I don't apply myself enough.

The only person standing in the way of what I consider successful is myself.

The only person standing in your way is you.

~Megan

Quarter Life

Please forgive the tardiness of this year's birthday post. It's been a crazy few days!

Traditionally, I like to make my annual resolutions on my birthday. I feel like it's way more productive and less pressure to do them this way. Normally, I would start by

 reviewing last year's resolutions before making new ones, but 24 has been an insane year.

I've had a lot of hard times in the last year, and not much has turned out the way I expected it to. However, I am much happier now that the dust is settling. So instead of looking back, I'd rather look forward this year, in the spirit of optimism.

In my 25th year I would like to:

• Finally, finally complete my undergraduate degree
• Make plans to live somewhere other than my hometown
• Learn more about myself as an individual
• Continue to keep my anxiety in check
• Begin to write my first book

I tried for a long time this year to come up with some similar goals, but I'm finding that the more specific my resolutions are, the less likely I am to actually complete them. That's weird right? Oh well.

At least now I can actually say I'm having a Quarter Life Crisis without getting the side eye.

(People give me the side eye anyways).

~Megan

For The Hoard?

No, not that Hoard.

Recently, my mother accused me of becoming a hoarder. You know, like on TV where people have so much stuff that they could literally die in their own homes because they can't walk around? I swear, I am not that bad. Not even close. But my mom's concept did make me wonder a little bit - could it happen?

I've always been a packrat. I keep everything for as long as humanly possible. I find that the second I get rid of something, is the second I find out I need it for something. So I keep things. Forever. See my problem? I don't stop accumulating things, but I do run out of places to put them.

Especially since now I'm not in a nice, one-and-a-half bedroom two walk-in closet apartment that has lots of built in storage. A studio apartment with minimal storage is an interesting thing to navigate for someone such as myself.

Imagine books everywhere, papers strewn about, and a constant pile of shoes next to the door. Yeah, that's me.

What sparked my mom's comment, however, was a fiasco involving some bed bugs (blech) and a missing load of laundry. In the chaos of cleaning out my apartment, an entire load of laundry got thrown away with some trash. I didn't realize it was missing until the next morning...after the garbage trucks already came. Included in that load of laundry were all of my work clothes and my boyfriend's borrowed Detroit Lions sweatshirt. I was so upset that I called both my mom and then my boyfriend sobbing and hyperventilating. 

My mom mentioned that while she knew why I was upset about losing his sweatshirt - which I will replace - she had a feeling that if even one thing had gone missing of mine, I would still be freaking out. I know where all of my things are pretty much all of the time and it's true, when something goes missing I want to cry.

On top of all of this, the irony is that I'm the kind of person that can't function in a mess. Messy bed, messy head is my mantra and I find that when my apartment is messy and my planner is out of sync, my life is on a downward spiral. Literally the only thing that can calm me down sometimes is cleaning and organizing. You'd think I'd be clean/organize/situated all of the time, but you'd be wrong.

I think a big part of me growing up is the desire to keep everything neat all of the time - not just when company's coming or my mom is cleaning my apartment. I really, really don't want to end up on TV for that kind of reason...

~Megan

Taking A Leap

One of my flaws is that I tend to be afraid to make big changes in my life.

I've noticed, however, that while the comfort zone is nice, no change or growth ever occurs there. Sometimes you have to take a giant leap into something that may or may not pan out in order to become the person you want to be.

I'm back in the job market looking for a position in banking again. I've missed the structure, the pressure, and the general environment of working in a bank. I truly loved my job, and it saddens me that I left it to begin with. They say hindsight is 20/20...

Truth be told, I'm really anxious about this process. When you apply for things, you're setting yourself up for total rejection - and that's definitely an uncomfortable thought.

However, I'll never get a new job by never applying anywhere because I'm afraid of being turned down. So here go the applications!

Cross your fingers for me!

~Megan