For The Hoard?

No, not that Hoard.

Recently, my mother accused me of becoming a hoarder. You know, like on TV where people have so much stuff that they could literally die in their own homes because they can't walk around? I swear, I am not that bad. Not even close. But my mom's concept did make me wonder a little bit - could it happen?

I've always been a packrat. I keep everything for as long as humanly possible. I find that the second I get rid of something, is the second I find out I need it for something. So I keep things. Forever. See my problem? I don't stop accumulating things, but I do run out of places to put them.

Especially since now I'm not in a nice, one-and-a-half bedroom two walk-in closet apartment that has lots of built in storage. A studio apartment with minimal storage is an interesting thing to navigate for someone such as myself.

Imagine books everywhere, papers strewn about, and a constant pile of shoes next to the door. Yeah, that's me.

What sparked my mom's comment, however, was a fiasco involving some bed bugs (blech) and a missing load of laundry. In the chaos of cleaning out my apartment, an entire load of laundry got thrown away with some trash. I didn't realize it was missing until the next morning...after the garbage trucks already came. Included in that load of laundry were all of my work clothes and my boyfriend's borrowed Detroit Lions sweatshirt. I was so upset that I called both my mom and then my boyfriend sobbing and hyperventilating. 

My mom mentioned that while she knew why I was upset about losing his sweatshirt - which I will replace - she had a feeling that if even one thing had gone missing of mine, I would still be freaking out. I know where all of my things are pretty much all of the time and it's true, when something goes missing I want to cry.

On top of all of this, the irony is that I'm the kind of person that can't function in a mess. Messy bed, messy head is my mantra and I find that when my apartment is messy and my planner is out of sync, my life is on a downward spiral. Literally the only thing that can calm me down sometimes is cleaning and organizing. You'd think I'd be clean/organize/situated all of the time, but you'd be wrong.

I think a big part of me growing up is the desire to keep everything neat all of the time - not just when company's coming or my mom is cleaning my apartment. I really, really don't want to end up on TV for that kind of reason...

~Megan

Taking A Leap

One of my flaws is that I tend to be afraid to make big changes in my life.

I've noticed, however, that while the comfort zone is nice, no change or growth ever occurs there. Sometimes you have to take a giant leap into something that may or may not pan out in order to become the person you want to be.

I'm back in the job market looking for a position in banking again. I've missed the structure, the pressure, and the general environment of working in a bank. I truly loved my job, and it saddens me that I left it to begin with. They say hindsight is 20/20...

Truth be told, I'm really anxious about this process. When you apply for things, you're setting yourself up for total rejection - and that's definitely an uncomfortable thought.

However, I'll never get a new job by never applying anywhere because I'm afraid of being turned down. So here go the applications!

Cross your fingers for me!

~Megan

Making It Happen

I've been really frustrated lately because there have been a lot of unexpected twists and turns in my life.

Nothing is going according to plan.

If you know me, you know that I really, really don't like it when things are ambiguous or unorganized. I like to have neat, color-coded lists and set tasks to accomplish. I love the feeling I get when I check off an item on my to do list. I really love the feeling I get when I see a completed list in my planner, though that happens much less frequently.

Lately though, I'm adjusting to a lot of life changes, and as a result, I'm having a really difficult time working through all of my responsibilities.

Career-wise, I'm feeling especially frustrated. Last year, I was working as a personal banker for a large national bank making a decent paycheck and enjoying benefits like a 401(k), paid sick time, and paid vacation. I quit because it seemed like the best way for me to finish my degree, while also making the decision to be the one to take care of the home for my then-husband. 

Needless to say, that definitely did not go according to plan.

When I moved out, it wasn't an organized, structured thing. It was slapdash at best, and I ended up staying on a friend's pull-out couch for a few weeks while I figured out a game plan. I took the first job that was offered to me as a part-time barista. Don't get me wrong, I love working where I do - it's the most fun job I've ever had! But there is a lifestyle adjustment in making less than half of what I'm used to and simultaneously becoming responsible for all of my own expenses. It's been a bit painful.

Especially since I'm a dreamer, and I aspire to have a lifestyle that might be out of reach for some time. (Basically, I want to be Carly from www.thecollegeprepster.com).

I got to thinking: instead of being miserable and upset about how that life seems so far out of reach and feeling bad for myself for being stuck back in an almost minimum wage job after enjoying so much success, I should focus on what I need to do to really get back on my feet. Time to dust off my resume, explore my options within my own network, and expand that network to include anything that may allow me to pay off accrued debts and begin to enjoy the same lifestyle I had a year ago.

Wish me luck!

~Megan